Saturday, February 28, 2009

Sigh

You know, the truth is I'm not having much fun these days. Everything is work work work work work. I miss writing. This morning I woke with a twist on an old idea and managed to get the gist of it down in two paragraphs. But when would I have time to write?

I'm beginning to wonder if this whole composing for film thing is for me. I'm not saying I'll drop out, but I may make a gradual shift to screenwriting or something. I don't like having so much on my plate. The opposite is no good, either, but it seems I can't find a happy medium. I just feel stretched really thin right now, and the stress isn't good for me or for my ears.

Okay. I'm done bitching.

12 comments:

Aerin said...

You bitch all you want to, dearie. I feel similarly, though in my different field - I could never, ever do composing or screenwriting. Sending you some virtual brownies to help your spirits!

freddie said...

Thank you, Aerin! mmmm . . . . brownies.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Hang in there, Freddie!

A change might be a good thing, but I'm not sure now is a good time to decide. If you get a breather anytime soon, a pros and cons list might help you out. Making a decision in the rough times can sometimes bite you in the butt later.

freddie said...

I think you mean "ass," Sarah.; )

But you're right. I'm holding off on any decisions until summer. I may finish the degree but make a shift to writing as I do so. We'll see.

fairyhedgehog said...

Sorry you're feeling so stretched at the moment.

writtenwyrdd said...

I hope you can find some creative time soon. It stinks when you have the urge and you can't scratch it because work or whatever has you too busy.

Robin S. said...

Sometimes when I'm stressed out and worried if I'm gonna make it, my mind switches gears on me, leading me toward a way out, of sorts. But be careful, girl! Sometimes this is the polar opposite of what other parts of you want you to do - it's like you're fighting yourself, because a part of you is worried you can't do what it is you're doing. At least that's been my experience.

It was hard to get in that program, and I remember you felt thrilled to have been accepted. Maybe go back and revisit that core part of yourself - and see what happens. I'm worried that you're like I am - a self-saboteur when you get close to goal accomplishment - and I sure don't want you to be disappointed later. It's no good, that feeling. It's desolate.

You can write notes and paras and keep them in a file, even draw from the feeling in them when composing your music, right? And you can use them later, after you've accomplished this goal.

freddie said...

It was hard to get in that program, and I remember you felt thrilled to have been accepted. Maybe go back and revisit that core part of yourself - and see what happens. I'm worried that you're like I am - a self-saboteur when you get close to goal accomplishment - and I sure don't want you to be disappointed later. It's no good, that feeling. It's desolate.

Yep. I am like that, which is why I'm trying to take a measured approach right now. I just feel like I'm under a lot of pressure right now. Hopefully as I complete things, that feeling will go away. Got a little more organized this weekend. That helps.

Thanks for all the encouragement, everyone! It's enormously helpful.

freddie said...

I've changed my avatar in honor of this.

fairyhedgehog said...

Don't be so hard on yourself! It sounds like it's really tough at the moment.

Robin S. said...

I agree with FH. Please DON'T be hard on yourself- you are having a time of it - but later on, it will be a kick to know you made it.

freddie said...

I'm trying not to be. Really I am.

Thanks again for all the encouragement. : )