Better

Been getting a lot more calls for jobs and gigs. Most of the jobs haven't worked out for one reason or another, but just getting the calls and e-mails makes me feel better. Hopefully something steady will work out soon, but I'm already working two shows and once school starts I don't know how much time I'll have to work a part-time job. We shall see. Now I'm too busy.

I swear this is all the result of re-committing myself to composing daily for my own pleasure, even if it's just a line or two. It seems to bring me luck, so I'll keep doing it. It's happened before, many times. So I've worked it into my morning schedule, and it's made all the difference in how my days go. I'm more focused. I really hope I can keep this up while I'm in school.

A Little Somethin' Somethin' Redux

This is the promised mixed audio of the final concert last Fall. I'm interested in hearing your thoughts. Of course, I've noticed now there are a couple of places the dialogue drops out a bit (for me, anyway), and then there are places where the microphone pops (but those were a matter of my not having figured out yet how to fix them).

And when I say I'm interested in hearing your thoughts, I want to know: Could you understand the dialogue? Did it seem to drop out anywhere? Were there places where the music drowned it out? How does the balance between the two work for you? How was the overall sound? Too bright? (There's very little reverb.) Critiques needed!

EDIT: We've had so much snow this winter that our ceiling is cracking right outside the laundry room. Now that it's warming up, the snow is melting and leaking. I can hear the *drip drip drip* into the bucket from my bedroom.

Also, for those of you not familiar with reverb, that's the echo-y sound you hear in music when a character is coming out of a dream sequence. It's the audio equivalent to where the screen gets all shimmery right as the character is coming out of the dream. One of its uses is to recreate the sound of a large hall.

Also forgot to mention that there's ten seconds of dead space before the dialogue. Sorry about that, but I'm not changing it now. : )

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U.S. Government

So my refund was finally credited to my school account this morning. (The "refund" Is actually what's left over from paying the HUGE chunk of tuition to Columbia - not an actual refund, as in "This piece of crap equipment doesn't work. Give me my money back!") Hopefully the school will take pity and release the money to my checking account immediately, although my hanging up on a customer service representative in frustration yesterday will probably count against me.

All this makes me convinced this money was somehow tied to Daschle's failure to pay his taxes. Damn you, Daschle! Okay, not really. But still.

I'm proud to have broken the spell of 140 Characters and Under. But I've decided I still like twitter better than Facebook since it doesn't force me to talk about myself in the third person. And I like blogger better than either twitter or Facebook.

OMG

Day two of school and I'm already drowning. Gah.

Grades

Two A's, one A-, and a B. The B was in Composition, but I think it's a fair grade, as my first two projects for the class were awful. (I was pretty rusty, and learning Logic Pro was . . . well, let's not go there.) So my GPA is 3.57--not too shabby, if I may toot my own horn. The real surprise was the software class, in which I thought, at best, I would get a B (proabably I should be putting these grades in quotation marks, but I'm too lazy today), but I ended up with an A-. When I told my friends, they wanted to know if I'd gotten my professor drunk. (No - but we were drunk along with the rest of my class and the class ahead of us . . . ooh, was that a fun party.) My dad wanted to know if I'd held a gun to his head. (No - not even a squirt gun.)

What I really dig about this program is how supportive everyone is of each other. It's a MUCH more positive environment than my last school (which I shall not name). Everyone is eager to trade ideas and talk about music. And while everyone knows how to loosen up after work, we don't forget the reason we're here. I know I won't have that support after I graduate, but it's nice to have it while I'm getting my bearings. This whole semester has been one long, expensive exercise in a) learning not to panic, and b) trusting my instincts. Hopefully by the time I graduate I'll be ready to fly.

Anyway. I feel even less coherent than yesterday. Maybe I just need a few more days to recuperate. Pics of the ice storm coming soon . . .

A Ship Receding in the Distance

In my mind, or some alternate life, I am a disciplined person who wakes at 5 a.m. and promptly starts my hour-and-a-half yoga routine, which is followed by a half hour of meditation. Then I have my herbal tea and an ultra-healthy breakfast followed by ten hours of joyous composing in which I focus with razor-sharp clarity on my work. I follow this routine with a military-like precision, and nothing—nothing—can pull me away from it.

Real life is much, much messier. I don't follow any real routine these days. I'm totally at the mercy of whatever is due. I feel lucky to get in twenty minutes of exercise. I constantly feel a sense of nervousness (left over from the Year of Hell) that has yet to drain completely away. I feel skittish much of the time (the cough that never went away after I got sick doesn't help). Some days I'm left with only the vague conviction to finish, because I started this venture only to make the second half of my life better than the first. But yesterday was just One Of Those Days that left me feeling like the dream is receding. I felt like a person stranded on a desert island, watching the only rescue ship she's likely to see completely miss her and disappear over the horizon.

But today is a new day. I get to compose to my heart's content. It always amazes me how much a good night's sleep helps my perspective.

With tea in hand, I salute those who are silently or not so silently cheering me on.

Ever onward . . .

Playing

Yesterday a friend came over and we played through some duets. I played double bass and she played cello. I thought we sounded pretty good, but I need to find some material written for double bass and cello, instead of music written for two celli like we had. Or I may rent a cello, because the music we were playing wasn't half bad.

We both joked about 'making the cat cry,' both being so out of practice, but I was pleased that we got further along than we anticipated. We're going to work on the pieces we picked out and then find some other pieces, too. I may even write some stuff, if I'm feeling really ambitious. Can't remember the last time I've played just for fun, so I'm looking forward to the next session, whenever that is.

The only downer was this stupid cough I have, along with the fact that whatever it is I've got is moving up into my head. Sigh. Well, I've got a doctor's appointment this week, so hopefully he'll give me something that will make this go away. It's been a little more than two weeks now.

Still really early in the semester, so I'm not sure how classes are going. I'm learning software in one class, and that is the class in which I am a bit of a problem child. I hope that will change once I'm well.

First Day of School

I felt like a first-grader, the new kid, walking into school yesterday. I suppose we all did, except I was the OLDEST first-grader in my class. (Well, there is one guy who looks to me my age, and when I was talking to one of my classmates later, she said, "Wow. I thought you were my age." "How old are you?" I asked. "Twenty-five." Awwwwww.) I arrived at the building almost twenty minutes early, and decided to try to find a nearby store where I could buy a notebook. Notebooks are up to $9.49 at Walgreens in downtown Chicago. So I nixed that plan, as that would have taken a quarter of what I have left in my checking account. (Still haven't received my refund. *taps foot impatiently*) Wrote on a notebook I carry around with me for writing stories.

It was a loooong day. Nearly all my classes ran way over, leaving about a ten-minute break between each class, instead of the 40-minute and hour-long breaks that were scheduled. I'm not complaining; took me back to the undergraduate days when dinner was a granola bar and an apple juice. And it's only one day a week. One of my professors rescheduled one of our classes, so now I have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays only. Which is nice, as my commute is an hour.

The classes are very interesting, and I like my professors.

It used to be, I'm ashamed to say, I would find myself inwardly rolling my eyes at D whenever he would start pontificating on film history. Boy, did that change yesterday. Yesterday I found myself very glad D is a history buff/historian with a huge collection of DVDs. I'm looking forward to sharing what I've learned with him. Naturally, I'm also looking forward to using his DVD collection. It's possible I won't have to check out much from the library, depending on what our assignments will be. We'll see. Next week we'll start German Expressionism, and D has a whole box of DVDs about that. Not to mention, he has plenty of films by Alfred Hitchcock and Akiro Kurosawa, two of our choices of directors we'll be assigned to write about. I don't know whether he has anything by Luis Bunuel, Fritz Lang, or Francois Truffaut, though.

Not to be overly-confident, but it struck me yesterday that I'm walking into this with a lot of real-world experience, which I expect to apply to my studies. Even my experience in educational publishing should come in handy, with all the writing and editing I've done.

I finally feel as if I'm in my niche. Let's hope I'm not wrong.

Award Letter

Got my award letter today from school. All I can say is . . . damn. School is expensive.

The Book Cellar

Saturday, before a lesson, I got to spend a little time at The Book Cellar, one of the coolest bookshops I've been to in a while. I knew it was cool before I visited (hence the link), but just not how cool. It's not huge, and the science fiction/fantasy section is tiny, but they had a rack of Penguin Classic books to itself, and for some reason that impressed me. I'd like to go back and see that place again. Their music section was crap, but I've noticed that most mainstream bookstores now have tiny music sections or no music sections at all. I can remember when I used to be able to buy music scores at Borders. I don't think I can do that now.

In other news, I filled out my Free Application for Federal Student Aid last night, so I'm all set for school. Now on to finding as many grants and scholarships as I can.

Good News

Well. Looks like I'm going back to school.

Some of you know all about my latest existential crisis. Some of you don't. If you don't, too bad. I'm not going revisit it.

I contacted my old school about resuming classes in the Fall. I assumed I would have to reapply to go back, seeing as I didn't 'mark my spot' when I left. (Such a crude way to put it.) But according to the head of the program to which I was accepted and the head of Graduate Admissions, my acceptance is still valid and there is a spot waiting for me should I resume in the Fall. (And I didn't even have to mark it!)

I'd really like to say something profound about taking advice from strangers, especially about something so important as that of a career path. *thinks hard* Nope, nothing profound to say. I'd say it's all a rather capricious business, but it's been something I've been regretting for a year (leaving school, that is), so I guess it isn't. I guess all I needed was a nudge.

I don't know if this is the "right" decision. There's every reason in the world not to do it. Yet I still want it, and with only 10 people accepted into the program a year, I've already beaten some odds. I know now I've put it off long enough.

Thanks again, all, for the kind words and gentle nudges. Special shout out to Robin S., who saw through the bullshit and said, "Now is now." (That's going to become my new motto.) Also to Fairyhedgehog, a fellow hearing aid wearer (we should share some war stories!). And Whilochre, who made me laugh. And last but not least, Kiersten, who said, "Cheer up. We don't even know you and like you already."

Cripes, I sound like I'm at the Oscars already.

Now I just have to make sure I follow the advice of the illustrious Muddy Waters. "Don't make no check with your mouth your tail can't cash."

Also. May have a job. We shall see.

EDIT: I see this whole 'enough about me' business lasted about a half an hour. Seems that I will fit in well in L.A.*

*a move that comes at the end of the two-year program